I have thought and thought about the self-imposed importance of my very first post. What can I possibly say about the start of this new journey? Originally, this was intended to be something my kids could look back on. I’ve written before, but after a fairly serious brain surgery left me with a few deficits, I didn’t know if I would be able to do it again. The fact is some day I hope to reach people, touch them even. I mean, this is kinda big right? Probably not, but to me it is.
So….. Should I begin seriously? Explaining how monumentally my life changed when I finally realized I was going to remain very sick? Or speak on how I let that same illness, and the doctors, surgeries, hospitals and daily life stress defeat and ultimately define me for years? Honestly the best answer is probably somewhere along the lines of… I should just be me, at times sarcastic but usually laughing despite ALL of it. I can finally do that now, and that is and was always truly me.
Pre-illness, I could find laughter in any situation. And I was always going. I was also always the one getting people together to do things. Always the one who volunteered for every parental school thing that came up. The team mom for any and most of my kids various sporting activities. I was IN IT! Until I wasn’t. The illness started slowly and even in times of extreme fear, it would comfort me to send entire surgical teams into gales of laughter, right before they were ready to knock me out. Weirdly in my darkest days, I also found comfort in my norm of updating people inquiring about my health by saying something close to “everything is fine” or ” I’m getting better each day”. Then <insert sarcastic/cheesy joke > and BIG SMILE. But still….comfort.
The fact is every single aspect of my life changed after the year 2009 when my world slowly became very bleak. Finally when I just gave in, I became a ghost of whom I once was. I lost so very much it was and still is heartbreaking. Fortunately, I now realize I have gained so many more precious gifts and people in my life now. That fact alone has made me an even stronger woman and a much better person.
Of course with the good days, there are also slightly bad days, really bad days and then the go find a bus to stand in front of days. But laughter has always been my medicine and on a daily basis I find myself laughing. Not like a crazy person who just roams the grocery aisles, cackling and rubbing my hands together while store security follows close behind. I just simply find humor in many instances, where I hadn’t looked in a very long time. Admittedly, I laugh a lot at myself, especially when I catch myself talking to myself. Oh my, I wish I could say this was something that was a rare occurrence, but unfortunately, I catch myself doing it a lot.
I think the healthiest thing I have done is just stopped taking life, negative news and myself so seriously. I know I have already said this but I feel it is so important, I laugh a lot. Seriously, try staying angry about something while laughing and smiling. It’s almost impossible. In most instances anyway. I should also add, I am so much funnier now. At least I think I am hilarious. (My youngest son is now shaking his head at my last sentence). Alright I’m a little funny.
The idea of this blog came raining down on me from a very high shelf in the form of a huge tote filled with the organized pictures of all my kids and our earlier life. I wanted to scan them to disks, because I had lost their digital back-ups. I am stubborn but I really thought I could handle it. I could’ve asked for help, and should have. I do have two young men in this house that tower above me. (okay my oldest teen towers by about 6 inches, and my youngest towers 2 inches above me). 6 inches, 2 inches, when you’re 5’5 they still make me feel like I am a people McNugget. But no, this I could handle. I stepped on a stool to get to a wheeled desk chair, (I know) and began to slowly reach and pull down the end of our tote of pictures. I slid it out slowly and angled it down towards me. Suddenly flashbacks of all of my Science classes came to mind….The concept of gravity. Gravity is all cool and wonderful until it decides to stick it’s nose into my business. And that it did, I could feel the pictures suddenly shift in the tote and BOOM! It rained…..hard. And me without my steel umbrella. Ugh. As I sat down on the floor of the closet mouth agape at my mess, I was utterly crushed..(Not a pun, though it did slam me pretty hard). I was so completely overwhelmed about ruining the careful order of the pictures that it took me a second to look around me. And there it was. It was so beautiful! I was surrounded by my life. Long forgotten moments of my life with my achingly sweet children at all ages, previous to me getting sick. Every single picture was like reliving it all over again. I laughed a lot, cried more than a lot, but they were all happy tears. It was exactly as my girl Oprah would have called it…my “lightbulb moment”. I had not only forgotten so much through the fog of illness, I was missing so much by staying in that fog.
I am now officially out of the fog, This blog is my new life. I’m blogging about what I love, my baking, candy making, cooking, oh heck…lets just say food! I love everything about it. Baking and Candy making are the top of the list though. I’d like to write (with permission) regarding our adventures in my family’s “sitcom” life. Starring our two dogs Hazel and Tamba, my two teenage boys and of course myself. I also have two older children who had the nerve to leave the nest for college and to follow career dreams. But when they all come home and are together, these kids of mine slay me. I’ll write more of them later but trust me, you’ll smile. I want to share what I love, how I feel, make you laugh, and share the causes that I want to affect change in.
Mostly, I just want people to find this blog and considering the crazy state of our world, look at it as a “Happy Place”. Because I assure you, it will be mine.
Remember to take time to live each day Sweet!